X Kyle M Thompson

This didn't happen to me on my placement, but was reported to me
by a friend, and I thought it was so well written it needed to be
shared (with her permission):

There are six people to one bay, and one woman at the end
of the bay will ask for a commode, so you bring it to her. She
has left-sided weakness, so you kind of have to throw her onto
the toilet WWF style.

Then the next old lady down is blind so she asks for a commode
because she's heard the first lady asking for one.

Then the next old dear down again is deaf, but she sees the two
commodes being brought out and starts yelling at the top of her
voice that she needs to go to the toilet.

Now she's a slow walker so the lady opposite, that has carcenoma
of the lungs thinks that she'll make a break for the loo before
we getthere. She's finished by the time we get there and then
proceeds to start having some sort of asthma attack from all the
exertion. So I chuck this deaf woman on the toilet, who then
starts serendading me at the top of her voice about 'Fernando
the Spanish Bullfighter', and go and get the lung lady on a
nebuliser.

Meanwhile the next lady up informs me that she will need to use
the loo after the singing one gets off, which she does. However,
this one is new to the ward so I don't know her care needs yet,
and so walks off to the loo, me screaming behind her because she
has just pulled out her WHOLE catheter without even realising.

This leaves just one more little lady left on the bay, and she
just sits there quietly and wees herself.

Somewhat dramatised, but perfectally sums up m'freind's day from
the sound of things!

kt.
--
So I got home, and the phone was ringing.
I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'